I want you to think about how many times today, you have had a real-life connection with someone. It can be anything as tiny as a facial expression to a stranger, and on to a full-blown discussion about the meaning of life at the pub after work. Either way, in any society we participate somewhat in, there are a lot of interactions we go through, mostly without noticing it.
Imagine if all of your social interactions were flowing on your terms.
Think about your current life and if there is anything you would like to improve. The key almost always lies in access to new people with those resources we require to advance, or in already established connections. To distinguish between which, is by asking yourself: “Do I want this old connection in my life once I acquire this skill? If the answer is no, you require new contacts. However things play out, it is without doubt, that in personal relations, reap better teamwork results. The last thing you want is to show up unprepared and instantly be placed in a lower social hierarchy.
How does one cultivate the mastery of personal expression?
For those of you that have problems with social interactions in general, learn to accept that it can take a long time and many failed efforts, to reach notable success. Keep working on these points, and remember that when you are finally there, you will be glad for doing the work. Once you are there, you won’t ever have to look back at your days of shyness. It is very important to stay committed in the face of all the awkwardness, to override the old programming. Prevail like never before!
By working on those every day small interactions with three questions in mind before each and every one of these three, until it becomes second nature and the habit training becomes actual habits and routines:
1. How do I prepare myself for this interaction? – This can be down to how you adjust your posture and facial expression before encountering any individual interaction.
Point 1 can be rehearsed throughout the day. A networking specialist, recommended people placing post-it stickers on each side of a doorway, in eyesight height. It was to remind the person to always enter a doorway in a natural and an open posture. Break your obstacles down into individual components and then work down that list. Find help to tackle each smaller challenge to speed up your progress and practice any time you find, until your subconscious is re-programmed. That way you will be directed towards your goal of mastering that first expression and social time in general.
2. What do I make off the situation? – Does your pulse go up, perhaps because of social awkwardness/anxiety? Breath deeply and as you exhale, say the word “calm,” with the “m” dragging out a bit. Repeat this a few times during possible talking breaks. In other words, learn to control your reactions in any situation, by first spotting the trigger and then by analyzing and rationalizing the reaction. And thereby creating an opening for the re-programming of your responses. To calm down before an encounter, touch your fingertips with the adjacent fingertips of the other hand. Hold this for a while with your eyes closed, and concentrate on your breathing. The touching of the fingertips seems to put both brain hemispheres into balance.
Point 2 must be practiced in the field and to speed things up, you might want to create more uncomfortable situations in public, just to overcome them. A simple quick fix is to just engage more in society, go places and buy things. It doesn’t have to cost a fortune, just a cup of coffee will do for starters.
3. Once the interaction is over and you have time to think, go back over it and find the trouble areas. Write down in a notebook, what may have gotten in the way of your self-esteem and fulfillment inside. Do so until you have corrected all areas of challenges to be overcome.
- Get that notebook and start writing down how various interactions go.
- Reverse engineer your interactions, analyze trouble areas and suggest a new way, in writing, on how to prevent that from happening again.
- Choose which reaction to practice next and memorize it in writing.
- Next time you practice, you have your goals in the notebook.
Point 3 should be noted down in a notebook, directly afterward if possible. That is to vividly find mental rehearse points to work on before the next interaction. The fastest way to really get personal expression under your control is to be methodical about it.
By doing this over and over again, your first impression will eventually become naturally great.
To sum it all up, here is a re-cap of the article:
- Every social interaction has room for improvement.
- To take advantage of that, you must prepare, practice and prevail.
- First, analyze your current situation.
- Use that material to choose what to practice.
- Mindfully walk into real-life encounters with the goal in mind.
- Spot triggers and try and get them under control.
- Analyze and reverse the interaction.
- Write down goals for the next interaction.
- Get a notebook and a pen.
- Start adding in extra social situations for practice.
Remember to take your time, it WILL get better over time with practice. Just think about the upcoming summer of 2019 and how ready you will be by then, with that notebook, pen, and social mindfulness. Once it’s all natural, your first impression will be too.
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